She Might Be A Drunk But She Scrubs Up Well

Miss Lohan is facing jail after being arrested for drink-driving and possessing cocaine just 11 days after leaving rehab where she had been treated for alcoholism but she is still looking Hot!!!

Her sexy new advertising shoot looks amazing and clearly the high life is not taking it's toll to much.

Keeping Mum In LA

Now this is what Posh should be doing instead of shopping, being a Mum, although she looks like she could do with a hand. Celebrity Wannabes in LA LA Land are not usually seen out with the children in tow, it is important to have your own Mary Poppins, not a role we see Posh in normally but we think it suit her. The Hermes tote is fantastic and we are glad to see LA has not totally crushed her sense of style, well not just yet anyway.

Kate Moss Moves In With Ronnie?

Yes it is true but don't worry they are drinking mates. Ronnie is on the wagon and Kate has been cheated on by her ex lover, could be tricky to keep on the straight and narrow but we have faith in Mr Wood. Kate is just hanging out with Ronnie and his wife Jo while she gets over her split from Pete.

Its Only Rock And Roll And We Love It

So Mr Richards is to write a book about his life as a Rolling Stone, will he remember anything? We have decided to give you a treat and show these two fab pictures of the oldest, besides us two of course, rockers on the planet.
Keith was born in Dartford Kent in 1943, can you believe that. He is the greatest guitar player in the World and the sexiest pensioner!!

Was The Brickie Just A thickie?

It seems that love has fizzled out for Jen and her Essex boy Paul. She says she wants someone more suitable, reliable and probably with a brain. He says it just got stale and now he is looking for a Hollywood movie career. We wondered if she dumped him because he is a close friend of Posh and according to Hollywood insiders, Jen has the hots for Mr Posh, who knows but times have sure changed. It used to be the Women who jumped on the casting couch in order to secure a Film role!!!

Is This The Best Money Can Buy?

OK, it is really hard not to judge when confronted with this motley crew of style Icons and Hollywood A Lister's. We think Perez Hilton said it all with his summing up, one word, Swingers!!!

Posh looks like a cheap Hooker, Mrs Pinkerton-Smith looks like a dodgy drag Queen and Katie, well just bless her. They do look like the worst dressed bunch on the planet even though collectivly, they are worth over a Billion Dollers between them.

We know we could take all six, dress them from a charity shop for under £100 and produce a better visual than this. Let's hope they take up the challenge.

Is Goldie an Oldie?

So to top off the day with another example of what our LA celebrity Icons really look like, we give you the beautiful people letting it all hang out. We think it makes a change to see real bodies without the air brushing.

There is hope for Posh after all. Don,t let them get you down.

What Do You Call A 300lb Woman? Fat

Why do women pay more attention to their appearance than to improving their minds? Because most men are stupid, but few are blind.

As today we are discussing piling on the pounds, we just had to show what happens when the female Icon takes the advice to far and ends up looking like poor Britney. Bless her, if this is what marriage does, then it is a lesson to us all. Posh has nothing to worry about.

Custody Battle Joke.
The scene was a tiny mountain village in a remote section of West Virginia. An old mountaineer and his young wife were getting a divorce in the local court.But custody of the children was a problem.The mother jumped to her feet and protested to the judge that, since she had brought the children into this world, she should retain custody of them.The old mountaineer also wanted custody of the children. The judge asked for his side of the story and, after a long moment of silence, the mountaineer slowly rose from his chair and said, "Judge, when I put a quarter in a candy machine and a candy bar comes out, does it belong to me or the machine?"

Here's Piggy

I don't exercise at all. If God had wanted me to touch my toes he would have put them up higher on my body.


What has happened to Jack? To many MacDonald's? or maybe its Viagra who knows but Victoria needs to take a leaf out of his book and pile on some pounds. LA is never brutal to it's male Icons. Jack could still play the ladies man and pull it off wihtout ever having to diet.

After Scientology

The thought of seeing Posh without any make up and a vacant stare like poor old Katie, just does not bear thinking about.

Let us just pray that Posh will step in and rescue Katie before it is to late.

Before Scientology

The beautiful Single Katie Holmes without a care in the World.

Do A Turn On Stern

We have been thinking about Posh this weekend and have decided it is time for some dramatic action in order to win over LA LA Land and take back her name. In our experience the best way to turn this round is for her to do a turn on Stern and fuck the lot of them. She has really great tits, loves showing them off, so a topless darts stint should take the heat off her dodgy leg and give everyone something to gossip about.
Towing the line and letting them, whoever they are, take you down, is Hollywood suicide, so we say give our mate Howard a call and do a 180 degree turn.

Double Take

Now this is what happens when the photo is taken and the light is right. She looks amazing. Funny how we never see the good shots!!!

LA Gives Posh A Leg Up

The problem with promoting yourself as Fabulous in LA you cannot avoid being scrutinized by all and sundry. Posh has been there less than a week and already her profile is being crushed. First she is given a new name, Sticktoria and then her body is being compared to something from a Stephen King novel.

The best advice we can give her is to lay low for a while before they burn her at the stake.

Hot Tip Off Of The Day

Showbiz pals Tom Cruise and Will Smith are planning a “Welcome to America” party for the Beckhams on Sunday.

What Is From The Earth Is The Greatest Of Worth

A 120-year-old woman claims that smoking cannabis every day is her secret to long life.
Fulla Nayak, from India, says she reached the age of 120 by smoking pot and drinking strong palm wine in her hut everyday.
She is living with her 92-year-old daughter and 72-year-old grandson.
Nayak told The Sun newspaper, "I don't know how I've survived so long. Many relatives much younger than me have died."

With the news yesterday that the Home Secretary has confessed to having a few hits on a joint when she was 18 at Oxford, big deal, it reminded us of what was so fantastic about living in LA. It is the greatest place to grow your own plants because the climate is perfect, well it has to have something good going for it.

One of the cool things about weed is that it can give you a mad hunger pangs! Often referred to as the ‘munchies’, this involves a sudden urge to eat anything. Not only are you hungry but the weed gives you a greater appreciation of taste, so ordinary foods taste wicked. Ice cream and chocolate are handy to have around before you start skinning up!

Clearly Posh is not a pot smoker but maybe now she is in LA, growing a little in her back garden might give her the curves she so painfully needs but beware, smoking to much can pile on the pounds, everything in moderation.

Hot Tip Off Of The Day

Kylie Minogue is back in the sack with Olivier Martinez. You can understand with an arse like this.

The Dynasty And Posh?

The Frank Sinatra song says it all, If you can make it there, you can make it anywhere, well that is not entirely true. New York is the lead trend setter in the arts, theatre, restaurants, shopping and Fashion, but it is LA who has taken the lead in Cosmetic Surgery, Movie Star scandals, traffic jams, oxygen bars, Celebrity jail sentences and aspiring Wannabes with little or no talent. When it comes to Celebrities LA is easily the capital of the world with more wannabes than anywhere else. Posh should feel at home then.
When you land at LAX within five minutes you will see somebody famous climbing into a chauffeur driven limo to be whisked away into the night. We thought being big drinkers and smokers LA would be a nightmare but in reality it turns out everyone drinks and smokes, they just do it in private. So the number one golden rule about making it in Hollywood is, do it all yourself like veteran die hard, Joan Collins who apparently has take Posh under her wing. Mommy Dearest!!! It just doesn't bear thinking about.

Sun Sea Sand And A Stroll On the Strand

LA is not the most user friendly place to set up your nest. Most celebrities opt for The Hollywood Hills, Beverly Hills or Malibu but we say why be like all the rest of the, more money than sense, sheep.
For the stylish wannabe, we suggest Manhattan Beach, 10 minutes from LAX between Venice and Hermosa, with it's small village like atmosphere and Multi Million Dollar homes. If you pick the right months to be in residence, you will find yourself in a celebrity paradise.
The weekend breakfast scene is buzzing at The Local Yolk or Uncle Bills on Highland Avenue where you can be over easy with the likes of Michelle Pfeiffer and David Kelly.
For those who wish to remain elusive track down Hillary who owns the 900 club, Manhattan Avenue. A private members club with the only licence to smoke in town and Mathew Fox as a honourary member. You will often find Hillary at The Kettle. A 24 hour diner opposite Starbucks on Highland.
Every place has it's wild card and Manhattan Beach is no exception. If getting pissed, smoking and making a fool of yourself is your thing, try The POOP Deck on The Strand. A busy pub like bar with an outside patio for throwing up. You will often spot the likes of Robert Downey Jr playing pool and having a line, whoops, sorry, a pint.
And finally the Beach is fabulous, although it could do with more people at times and maybe the odd Beach Bar but we guess then you wouldn't see the likes of Harrison and Calista smooching on a beach towel.

Perhaps past its exclusive best but still a paradise for posers,

Once Posh and Becks get over her little TV mistake, they will need to get out and about in Hollywood mixing with the cool crowd. There are many great hot spots to visit in LA if you are Fabulous, Famous and can get on the list. Of course we are sure that won,t be a problem for these two but you never can tell.
The Sky Bar is one of the hottest night spot in town for celebs. It's an intimate, low-key outdoor venue, where stars lounge by the poolside, enjoying a spectacular view of L.A. There is cool ambiance and a roaming cigarette girl. Waitresses are stunning dressed in cute tops and short skirts serving drinks to guests in the bar and around the pool. It's been said that the place "looks like a movie set. It was set up by Randy Gerber husband of Cindy Crawford and sits on top of the Mondrian Hotel on Sunset, West Hollywood. We have spotted many celebrities including Leonardo Di Caprio, Rod Stewart, Courtney Love and Paris Hilton having a wild time of it.

Sex Shop Toy For Posh's Paparazzi Decoy

The Golden rule in LA is to always have a plan B and we are delighted that Posh seems to be one step ahead of the game. After watching her make a complete spectacle of herself on ITV last night, we are now convinced her TV career is doomed. She could make a fortune selling life size rubber copies of herself for the ever growing porn industry though.

Posh had paparazzi photographers in Los Angeles bemused and angry when they mistook a blow-up doll for the new chick on the block. To prove to us all the lengths the paps will go to secure a snap of the Wannabe star, Posh sent an inflatable lookalike around the city in a chauffeur-driven car - with hordes of snappers on its tail. It turns out Victoria enjoyed a shopping spree virtually unnoticed in Chopped, Beverly Hills to get David another expensive watch.

Hollywood is the land of the inflatable Ego. The perfect home for the incredible shrinking starlet, worse case scenario David and the kids could use her new body double as a floatation device in an emergency.

Our tip of the day for Posh is simple. In LA if your Rich and Famous you get a personal shopper to bring stuff to you in the comfort of your Million Dollar home, well that's if you are really serious about not wanting to be noticed!!

Don't Follow Fashion Wear Something That's Already Out Of Date.

Shopping in LA was not easy for us. We are not close to being a size Zero but Posh should have an easy time of it and we have some really good advice for her. Of course we don,t expect her to follow our mantra immediately but charity shopping is the ultimate goal.To start with we suggest she begins bargain hunting at these little designer heavens in LA. Lohmans Beverly Hills. The Rack, Orange County, Neiman and Marcus outlet, Las Vegas, great for shoes and Ross Dress for Less, Torrance. Kate Moss is often seen flicking through the rails of second hand and charity shops in LA and London.Several of her iconic pieces, like those Westwood pirate boots, have been lucky finds in these cooler-than-thou secondhand shops. Kate also caused a stir when she spent an hour trying on clothes and shoes in Cornucopia, Upper Tachbrook Street, London, known for its 'Miss Haversham-style' Victoriana secondhand vintage.Top Tip for Posh. If you see a great print you love on something like a long skirt, don't let it go: cut the bottom off and turn it into a scarf.

Checking Out The Competition

Living in LA LA LAND had its moments. They we rare but always blew us over like a breath of fresh air. Being drunk or stoned helped with facing the brutal truth. To get anywhere one needed to be a perfect size zero with double D implants and long Blonde hair extensions. Middle aged, over weight celebrity stalkers had no place in Hollywood or so you would think.
Posh has some stiff composition ahead. You can almost guarantee David will get that exclusive invitation to the Playboy Mansion in the post before long. Hefner loves having good looking sexy men around at his parties to help him entertain his string of blond bombshell playmates.
It might be prudent for Posh to be one step ahead of the Game and make friends with Bill Farley, right hand man and personal assistant to Heff. She could suggest a poker night, Heff's favorite pass time, giving her the perfect opportunity to check out the competition.

Foundation Room Queues At The House Of Blues

Well it looks like Victoria Beckham is set to have a reality show flop in LA. The American audience don,t understand the British humour, apparently. We could have told her that. The problem is hamming it up when in reality that is the way you really behave. Its so hard being so fabulous, just pisses people off.

We suggest she starts to understand the rules in LA for all Wannabes by having a night out at The Foundation Room, House of Blues, Sunset. A private room at the top for anyone who can get on the list or make friends with Kevin Morrow, the General Manager But beware Posh because even if you make the list, you could still end up with egg on your face.

The door is guarded by big security men with handfuls of different coloured rubber wrist bands and if your name does not appear on the list, no matter who you say you are, entrance is forbidden.

We could give Posh a recommendation to Kevin or she could look for our Man Nigel. Once you make it in to The Foubdation Room it is lots of fun. We have hung out with many a celebrity including the likes of Tommy Lee and Pammy, Busta Rhymes and Steven Tyler.

Be Famous In Jerrys Deli Studio City

A great tip for all you Hollywood social climbers crawling up the ladder of fame and fortune, if you fancy bumping into some real eye catching candy, then check out Jerry's Deli in Studio City. We found ourselves going back time and time again after sitting next to Brad Pitt eating a Pastrami Brisket served with Cole slaw potato salad on crisp rye bread, Delicious. Probably no good for Posh to eat there but she could have a diet coke and just dribble over the red and white check table clothes.

Five Star Bar With A Spa.

OK, so Posh has been on the Jay Leno Show NBC and chances are she will follow up with Larry King, Oprah and The View. It is really hard being Fabulous, poor thing, she must be exhausted already and she has only been there five minutes. We are going to give her some really good advice by sending her off to BACARA.

Sea. Sky. Golden days. Enchanted nights.Spanish Colonial warmth.Old Hollywood glamour.New California dreaming.There was a time when getting away for a few daysand coming back looking rested, rejuvenatedand renewed wasn't considered an indulgencebut a necessity.A time when afternoons were whiled away by the sea,under wide skies, warmed by the sun.Playing a game of croquet.Sipping a glass of chilled rosé.With clever friends. In good company.The feeling was completely informal andit was in precisely that very relaxedattitude that the luxury lay.This is the essence of Bacara:Elegance, understatement, complete serenity.

This is the most amazing place on the planet and you can be sure to bump into your favorite celebrity having some quite time. Have fun Posh.

Where To Be Seen When You Are Posh.

The best kept secret in LA is Pane e Vino.

Rod, the owner, is always happy to see you with his chilled wines and fabulous smile. He loves to have a group of his male friends around for lunch on Thursdays and guess who is always there? Nigel of course. Unlike the Ivy no matter how Famous you are, this place is out of the way and the perfect private venue for a Celebrity get together. The last time we had lunch there, we had amazing eye candy with Ritchie Sambora and managed to give our book to Rebeca De mornay.

Editorial Review for Pane e Vino – by Suzanne WrightThe SceneThere's a handsome booth-filled dining room, but the big draw is the lovely garden patio. With terra-cotta-hued walls and tiles, climbing bougainvillea and flickering candlelight at night--to say nothing of the Andrea Bocelli soundtrack--the hideaway courtyard sets an authentically Mediterranean scene. The FoodJudging from the dishes carried to the other tables, pastas, risottos and the wood-fired pizzas are dependably good. The crab cake appetizer, assertively seasoned with red pepper, is completely respectable. Chicken and vegetables--many of them out of season--are cooked in clay pots. The steak alla Fiorentina, a mesquite-grilled rib eye, arrives perfectly cooked to order with a sturdy brown crust; and tortellini with dandelion greens, ricotta and brown butter is satisfying. For vegetarian diners, it's better to order the pizza Margherita and a green salad.

When You Are A Nobody In LA Just pretend You Are A Somebody.

If we can make it in Hollywood, then anyone can but it is not easy. Everyday we will be giving Posh and other Hollywood Wannabes, all our top tips on climbing the Celebrity Ladder in LA LA Land. We are experts having lived there for 10 years and survived long enough to write our Kiss and Tell little pink book, Looking For Harvey Weinstein.

Keep tuned in and get up to the second news on where to be seen and who to be seen with.

Its Not What You Know But Who You Know.

No matter how famous you are, how many pairs of designer shoes you own or how many times you are photographed, LA is a brutal place to penertrate and some doors are impossible to open.

Our advice for Posh is to get to know Nigel. The elusive concierge the likes of Sharon Stone and Steven Tyler call upon when the impossible is called for.

It works like this. You cannot call him, email him or even hire him, to find him you have to know someone who knows him.


If anyone knows Nigel Knows.

The Social Ladder in LA is a little like climbing Mount Everest. You will need to be fit, dedicated and accept that not everyone will reach the top but for those you manage it you can guarantee Nigel had something to do with it.

A good place for Posh to start is The House Of Blues Las Vegas. If she does manage to track him down, we are happy to give her a recommendation. A little name dropping always goes a long way and dropping Nigels name is the most powerful of all when it comes to opening doors.

Only in LA could you seek the services of someone you cannot get hold of.

Posh is enjoying her muse status in LA

They are saying, whoever they are, LA is in love with Posh because she is so outgoing with her in your face British charm but what will she do when her face becomes a pain in the arse.

It is clear already that her new neighbours are getting twitchy as she sets up home in Beverly Hills with an endless clan of paparazzi photographers and a reality TV crew. We are wondering who will be putting up the first for sale sign ?

She is going to have a media frenzy wherever she goes and having spent the best part of ten years living in Tinsel town, we can for see some huge problems ahead for the Beverly Hills elite

As a reality television star, with a failed singing career, thank goodness she has great fashion sense but as Joan Rivers says, she just might be to fat to pull even that off.

Perhaps the answer is to make a blockbuster movie about her life, now that is a good idea, after all when in Rome do what the Romans do. We shall give

our mate Harvey a call and suggest he takes his finger of the Halston button and create a remake of The

Beverly Hillbillies.